Change

As a firm Lutheran, I believe in all things seen and unseen--except for change. You know the stereotypical joke: How many Lutherans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they don't believe in change.
Well...it's true.

I thought that I would be at Concordia for at least six years. Life was stable and predictable (for the most part). Then all of a sudden...after much pensive contemplating... I had a revelation as to what I truly want to do. Apparently, I have the innate desire to stab people with needles and give the sick sponge baths. After seeing or talking to loved ones that were in the hospital...I couldn't help but think how much better our health care system could be made by simply CARING for the sick, rather than seeing them as a paycheck. I think a story that Nav once told me on a bus helped. All people want is someone to listen. Someone to sympathize with the fact that they are scared shitless. They also just want demerol at times, I can do that.

Looks like I'm packing my bags and moving my life back to Thunder Bay. They always come crawling back, eh? I feel that I use and abuse resources at times. If anyone would have told me back in September that this would be the ultimate decision that came to pass in my life...I would have asked them how their struggle with cocaine was going.

Why is life so random? Is it to cause excitement, laughter, humour? God is a funny guy. Understanding and misunderstanding be funny things too.

I'm slowly drowning out the voices that say 'You can't' or that 'you're an inconvenience' or (this is my favourite)...'Great, now I probably won't be able to go to University because of you'. I'm trying not to shift the blame onto other people as an excuse toward why I didn't make this choice in the first place. I'm trying to understand different peoples' viewpoints and i'm trying desperately to cut any ties that have only succeeded to rip off my flesh (metaphorically!!) and leave me to fry in the intense sunlight that we call the 'REAL WORLD'. I realize now that some of the things I have been subject to over the years were...wrong. I realize that all I can do is break the chain. I can't take it out on anyone else and I can't avoid not talking about it by refusing to write in my blog for a month.

Sometimes we are stupid.

Sometimes we are smart.

Sometimes we make such bad decisions that once we finally do something right, it feels wrong and we mess up our lives again.

I'm trying to soak up every moment I have left. I'm trying to appreciate everyone, but my lack of sentimentality won't let me. Don't take my silence the wrong way. If it looks like I'm on drugs or something...that means i'm in a good mood...good job happy people!

I'll come around.

guess what? I love Nav and Kryster and Germans...and sometimes pastries that look like muffins.

I can't believe that Jouko is coming to pick up my stuff on the 7th and the 8th. It's so soon.